THE BAGHDAD TRAFFIC AUTHORITY
BOOK EXCERPT
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THE BAGHDAD TRAFFIC AUTHORITY
A Novel by John Glenn Burke
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Barrett Stone is a young, ambitious political intern billeted at The Christian Men’s Group Housing Project in Washington, D.C. The Project was designed as a pious solution to a problem that was all too common with Senators and Congressmen living away from home while enduring their public service; intended to protect the fidelity of certain weak-willed men who courted power and sexual partners with equal disregard for morality or public opinion.
Barrie is recruited to follow disgraced Illinois Congressman William B. Croney to Iraq during reconstruction, just after the 2003 invasion. Immediately buried in responsibilities for which he has no experience or education, he manages to lose $2,000,000,000 in cash and must recover it before anyone finds out it is missing.
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Former Illinois congressman William B. Croney had always dreamt of the day when he would be called upon to lead his country into the future. He had endlessly fantasized about an assignment that would redeem all his indiscretions and position him as the only serious contender for President. A self-described crusading patriot, he had long imagined he would be ready for the call. He would be waiting in his office with his family and admirers surrounding him, ready to applaud when he accepted the life and death mission. He pictured the portrait that his admirers would commission to hang in his foyer, portraying him with the telephone in hand as he accepted this world changing undertaking.
Much to his dismay, other than an uneventful six year tenure in the United States Congress, Croney never had the opportunity to individually serve his country. He had no stomach for military service and it was against his very nature to do volunteer work of any sort. He had gained many of his political posts unopposed, never having to scramble through the messy world of regional politics. Apathy among his constituents was something he was more than eager to exploit. Even he would admit that he had no particular abilities except for his consistently unrecognized talents as a facilitator. Though disappointed that his involuntary retirement from congress had prevented him from achieving anything of legislative significance, his confidence never wavered, assured he would eventually be given the opportunity to prove his worth. Someone would recognize what he had to offer his great nation. It was only a matter of time before the call would come.
He just wished the call hadn’t come at that particular moment. He knew without looking at his Blackberry it was from the White House. He had set a special ringtone so he would know. There wasn’t time to get himself together. And he was certain that if he didn’t take the call, they would call someone else. There was no question that he would answer it. But his friends and family could never commission a painting commemorating the event as it happened, of this he was certain.
It wasn’t that he hadn’t prepared himself for the occasion. That morning he had meticulously prepared. He was wearing one of his best suits, a Dormeuil he had only just had delivered from New York the week before. He had his Ultra-Christian Brotherhood pin on the lapel, right next to his gold pin of the American flag, both made by a retired Cartier jeweler living in London. He had taken more than an hour to select the perfect tie, a dark red Charvet with a intricate pattern embroidered into the silk. His Fendi dress shoes were perfectly shined. He had just gotten a fine haircut and manicure at Jose’s Barber Shop on 1st Street the previous morning. His entourage was waiting anxiously outside for the announcement. Everything was just as he had imagined it.
Well, almost.
Regrettably, when the call finally came, Congressman Croney was caught sitting in a compromising position in a toilet stall in the men’s room at Ronald Reagan National Airport. The Blackberry rang incessantly until he was finally able to get the phone from his pocket. In considerable distress, Croney strained to control his movements as he thumbed the answer button. His hand trembled as he put it up to his ear.
“Yes?” Croney closed his eyes and forced himself to concentrate on the nasally voice on the phone. Under any other circumstances, Croney would have been overjoyed that the president had made the call himself. Any one of the dozens of minions hanging around the White House could have easily passed on the information. But he should have known the Commander in Chief’s folksy bullshit would supersede anything like that. Dubblya would always have that personal touch, God love him.
“Yes, sir. I would be honored, Mr. President.”
As the President of the United States droned on, Croney was forced to exert more and more control over his movements.
“Thank you for thinking of me, sir,” he said, his voice wavering slightly despite his best efforts. “I won’t let you down, sir.”
Croney hung up the phone just in time, clutching it tightly as he threw his head back in orgasm. It was such a perfect reflection of the moment he could barely control himself, almost dropping the phone. He had been finally been recognized as an indispensable element in the liberation of Iraq. His long exile from the Republican Party and Washington was finally over.
But he could never tell anyone the truth about how it transpired. He felt it a shame that this perfect moment could never be truthfully shared with anyone. He could never admit to his beloved wife what he was doing when the call came. Nor could he boast to his colleagues, those who had so easily dismissed him after his disgrace. He could certainly never tell his grandchildren. The only person who would ever know the truth about that moment was Howard Christianson, a beautiful young man with an unusual willingness to do anything to further his career.
As Howard lifted his head from Croney’s crotch, he licking his lips and smiled. “Was that good, sir?” he said coyly as he sat back on his haunches and adjusted his clothing.
“That was perfect,” Croney said trembling and breathless. “What are you doing for the next six months?”
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COMING IN SPRING OF 2021
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